12 May 2007

Success, Discipline, Bad Deals and Bodhisattvas


The photo this week relates to my final topic of bodhisattvas. The other topics that I'll share ideas on are success/results; discipline/compromise; and bad deals.

Before we kick off a public service announcement on helmets and seat belts... the good weather has a number of my pals riding naked!

It is worth remembering that we never choose when we will have a life threatening accident. Helmets have saved me from two very serious head injuries. If you don't want to wear a helmet for yourself then wear it for your friends/family -- we are the ones that will be left to pick up the pieces when you sustain a serious injury.

If you insist on riding without a helmet then please, at a minimum, carry an organ donor card.

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Success vs Results
A friend recently remarked that while he 'lived' better than anyone that he knew, he believed that I enjoyed the way that I lived far more than him. There wasn't any envy in his statement -- just an observation on the difference between consumption and satisfaction.

There is, I believe, a related topic in athletics -- the difference between achieving success and achieving results. There are a lot of different aspects of this topic and I will limit myself to a couple of sub-topics this evening.

There are several training techniques that produce results while rarely leading to success. I'll share a few:

***Starvation training, exercise anorexia, depletion training -- whatever you'd like to call it. Over the short term, self-starvation can be performance enhancing. There are several successful trainers that actively push their athletes down this path -- results are achieved and others (including the athlete) are left to pick up the pieces.

***Overtraining -- a really interesting topic for me. Within my own training, I was successful, with a high quality of life during all of my overtraining phases. When I look around my friends and read case studies of world class athletes, I see that there are positive physical and mental adaptations that occur as a result of the lessons leading into an overtrained state. Pretty much everybody at the top of their sport has blown themselves up at some stage.

Having come out the other side of both these topics, I find it difficult to participate (in any way) in an athlete's desire to impair themselves. However, I do have empathy for the athlete that argues for his right to nuke himself. You'll certainly miss your health when it is gone, so it is best to ensure that you have a very good reason for venturing to the limit.

These topics present interesting ethical dilemmas that (I expect) healthcare professionals must balance on a daily basis. The balance between respecting a person's right for self-determination and my desire to surround myself with individuals that embody the life that I want to live.

At many levels, athletes look to their coaches/trainers/advisors/mentors for affirmation that their strategies are "what it takes". I'd caution you to consider if a solitary focus on results will, ultimately, lead you along the path of a successful life.

Speed, money, body fat percentage, net worth -- these may enhance our perceived quality of life but they do not represent quality of life. The more fixated we become on them, the more we'll miss them when they're gone.

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Discipline vs Compromise
Another buddy of mine shared an observation that taking care of his financial obligations was forcing him into a position of compromise with his training. He noted that he struggled with compromise -- the underlying sentiment being that he was results focused on his training and didn't want to back down from achieving in that field.

If you've been reading this blog for a while then you'll know that financial prudence is a fundamental belief of mine. When I am out of financial balance, I can't really think about much else. This presents challenges as I broaden my consulting practice to help people with their financial situation. In fact, I have a little sign beside my desk now... "assist without ownership". The sign is part of my drive to free myself from the illusion of controlling anything outside of myself.

I thought about my friend's comment and my first response (internally) was a quick retort that there is a massive difference between compromise and discipline. However, given a week to mull it over... I think that my buddy had it absolutely correct.

Changing our patterns is difficult
Changing our patterns takes time and effort
Meaningful change requires new methods of thinking
Without the catalyst of a crisis, most are unable to make meaningful changes

I think that my strong initial reaction was generated by my own pattern of thinking. Here is how I see it...

"I never compromise, I make positive decisions that support my desired goals. I'm doing what it takes to achieve success."

You can easily change this to...

"I am constantly compromising, all I do is say 'no' to myself. I try so hard to escape my failed patterns. Poor me."

Same thing...
Different mind set...
Different probability of success.

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Bad Deals
Whether it is a poor investment, a weak hiring decision or a failed relationship, we are all going to make a few bad deals in our lives. Due to space constraints and to protect the guilty (i.e. me!)... I'll skip the specific examples.

Here are the key things that have helped me deal with my most serious personal challenges:

Forgiveness -- not your spouse, not your business partner, not your employee -- forgive yourself for having made such a poor decision to start with. When I'm in a bad deal, nearly all of the angst that I feel comes from a mixture of fear and embarrasment for a self-generated failure. I made a poor choice -- I blew it -- things didn't work out as planned. To think clearly, to move forward in a positive manner, my first step is to forgive myself.

Effective -- you'll have a lot more success in your exit strategy if you focus on being effective, rather than being right. Seeing as you've (hopefully) managed to forgive yourself for entering into the deal -- there is no need to get the other party/company/boss/employee to admit that they screwed up as well. You don't need to be "right" -- you do need an exit that protects your position while preserving your ethics. If you are in settlement negotiations remember that your self-respect is the only asset that you truly own.

Tests -- while you are working towards a successful exit strategy, expect to be challenged emotionally with 'unreasonable' requests. I used quotes because it is important to remember that the other party is likely fighting for their own financial/emotional survival. In these situations, people can do some strange things.

Sunk costs -- in a bad deal, the time/money/emotions of the past are gone. What matters is having the mental clarity to make effective decisions about where you will invest your current (and future) time/money/emotions.

As a professional investor of 17 years, I can tell you that (as a rule) you will make the greatest return by never, ever, ever, ever following your money when a company is off plan. I watched us burn millions of pounds learning that lesson in the early 90s. A simple rule that is far from easy to implement.

As a human being of 38 years, I can say that the strength of my relationship with Monica stems from the self-knowledge and self-commitments that flowed from the errors that I made in previous relationships. To get a different outcome, I had to change my approach, rather than my partner.

Finally, for what it's worth, my most valuable life lessons have come as a result of bad deals. The financial and emotional costs that I've paid have returned huge dividends through improved decision making and perspective about my life situation.

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Bodhisattvas
If you click the link then you'll get a proper definition of a bodhisattva -- I like Jack Kerouac's, "a brave wise being or a great wise angel". I think that I had one of these mythical creatures in my house the other day.

Allow me to explain...

The photo that leads the blog this week is my father-in-law as a young man. As you can see, he was a military man and worked on a carrier flight deck.

A few months after that photo was taken, Robert was involved in an accident where he was sucked into a jet intake. His buddies pulled him out of the engine and he was dead on the scene. The engine blades sliced his shoulder quite badly and he lost enough blood for his heart to stop. Fortunately, the crew managed to revive him.

He's never really explained to me what dying was like -- I doubt that he'd be able to find the words and, even if he did, how could I understand. Anyhow, after they managed to get him stable from the first accident, his shoulder became infected and it wasn't looking too good for him. Interestingly, when he describes this period of his life he focuses on his friend in the hospital, playing checkers and laughing daily. Dying was quite beneficial for his mental outlook!

I attended Robert's 70th birthday party and he explained a few things to us. He didn't really give a speach, rather he shared a few ideas that had been helpful to him. It was a bit like being handed thirty zen koans. I only remember a few things from his talk but he's been threatening to publish his memoirs.

The observation that stuck with me was his statement that he is constantly surrounded by mirrors.

When I am at my most "clear", I don't seek to overcome, or fix, myself. Rather, I use self-acceptance to create empathy by seeing myself reflected in others. Some traditions talk about being "one" with the world -- so far the best that I can manage is a little empathy. It's a start.

Another of the things that he shared is that the accident super-charged his ability to "feel", specifically, to experience love. A person that is supercharged on love has some interesting characteristics -- Robert's emotional circuit breakers can get overloaded and he's prone to crying when he's really happy -- which means that he cries at just about anything because he sees beauty in most things (other than the Bush administration but he's working on that).

Like a lot of my best teachers, simply being with him leaves me feeling better. He's got quite a bit to teach me but I know it all already. My head likes to file everything in sequential or opposing terms. Some knowledge doesn't quite fit that way.

Back next week,
gordo

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